First I want to say thank you to those of you who have recently reminded me to return to this space. I am certainly in need of spiritual sustenance and feel a little like the Prodigal Son, looking again to The Lord for forgiveness and aid in a time of struggle. I’m going through a bit of a crisis, though not exclusively of the spiritual kind. My mental well-being has, of late, taken a bit of a downturn and I feel flooded with feelings of anxiety and fear. This is not a totally new thing for me but something that I had hoped I had long put behind me. I’ve been a little unwell physically, though, as far as I can tell, this is nothing too drastic. It has, however, sparked memories of relatively recent periods of very poor health which, perhaps, I have allowed to take over my psyche and plunge me into a cycle of anxiety and depression. There have been other things too, like the ill-health of family members and worries about my kids and my ability as a parent and partner – all of which seem to have sent me into panic mode.
Right now, I have few ideas of the way forward, other than to turn to God and put myself in His hands. I currently have no church to turn to for support, having become disenchanted with the place I was once attending. I feel I want to avoid institutionalized worship at this stage in my life but how to fill the void? Meditation? Certainly. Prayer? Definitely but I have allowed my prayers to become unfocussed and lost in mental turmoil. Scripture? I do not read The Bible enough but when I do I come away confused and feeling inadequate with only the direct teachings of Jesus as reported in in the first four books of the NT making much sense to me. I also love Psalms and Ecclesiastes but so much else just feels like fog and contradiction at this time.
I’d welcome any advice or words of support. Your prayers would be a blessing.
Hope to be a more frequent visitor to these shores once again.
You will certainly be in my thoughts and prayers during this time, Jerry. Many of us go through very dark periods in our lives. I know I have, and during that time I was fortunate enough to have a lot of support from the people around me. So, it’s good that you are reaching out. The more people you talk to, the better.
I really have no advice for you other than to remember what I was told many times (so many times that I got really sick of it!) – “This too shall pass”. I know it sounds very trite, like a meaningless platitude. But, sometimes these are the only things we have to hold onto. However trite it does sound, however, it also happens to be true!
God’s Peace.
Steve
Hi Jerry,
Glad to see you checking in! Sorry to hear that you’re having a hard time these days. When I’ve had enough of those times when my mind has been too full of thoughts, whether focused or not, I often turn to poetry, music, and chant.
You’re on the prayer list, friend.
Agape,
Chuck
Jerry,
Now, during a time when you feel most like you do not want institutionalized religion, is probably what you need most. Not so much the “smells and bells” as some say but for the people who are in the church. It’s the “whenever two or more of you are gathered” dynamic that Jesus was talking about that is so important. We are not meant to go on this journey to know Christ by ourselves. Jesus sent out the disciples two by two; our Jewish ancestors in faith to this day do not consider what they do worship unless they have a minyan, 10 adult members, or worship cannot take place. You need to be around other believers to share in your struggle. One of them may just have the answer you are looking for or at least send you in the right direction. Not comfortable in the church you go to now? Don’t see a reconcile in the near future? Then go some place else. Go to a different church each week until you find one that fits and you can be part of.
As for scripture, if you cannot attend a bible study I would suggest you at the very least buy a bible that has detailed annotation or a commentary. Be wary of commentaries- ALL reflect the POV of their authors. I’m not Roman Catholic but the commentary I use regularly is the St. Jerome Commentary on the Bible. I know where they are coming from theologically and can adjust. Get one if you can afford it but know who has written it. Can’t afford a commentary? Then go on line and run the problem verse thru Google. Do that in my own studies all the time.
Prayer is great, it is the most powerful tool a Christian bring to bear on any issue. Meditation can quiet the soul so you can hear the still and quiet voice of God. The mystic’s path may open wonderful vistas for you but unless you are in community, not just on line with us, you will be missing out on what God wants most for us- that we are not on this walk alone. That we “may all be one.”
May His peace that passes understanding be yours,
David
Thank you David, Chuck and Steve for your kind and thoughtful comments. They have given me things to consider and will help me immensely on my journey.
Peace.